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The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5” long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’ What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best...I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, ‘don’t do it dipshit, ‘ while I’m reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...HOLY. ~Oh no, my boyfriend would not like that. He is picking me up.We unload the plane and I go to the restroom. When I come out she is gone. I wait a little bit to see if she is in the restroom as well, but after a few minutes I decide she is has left already and head off in search of something to eat. When I make it to the next flight, I see her sitting down. She notices me walking up and smiles. -Where did you go?~Look, I find you attractive and I don't think it would have been a good idea to keep talking to you. At this moment there is announcement that there is ice on the wings of the plane and they will have to be defrosted...we have been delayed.-Well you are very entertaining and I don't want to be board, so hopefully we can overlook your attraction to me. When we finally board the plane in Dallas, the pilot comes on and says we will be delayed longer. Fuck! Not getting to Denver at 10 is going to mess up the plans to go out. 11Oclock rolls around and we still have not even.
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